Nonfiction Reflection: Earliest Philosophical Memory

My earliest philosophical memory is wondering about the meaning of the word “narrow.” I was like seven and I had heard the word spoken by an adult earlier in the day. Or, maybe I had heard spoken by an adult on television. The evening news. Or. One of the deliberate adults on Sesame Street. It was a new sound and I did not know the meaning. I said the word out loud, “Narrow.” Behind my house was a strip of woods and beyond that was a sugarcane field. I was an outdoors brat and I had had brought my bike through an entangled cobweb of thorn bushes in those woods behind my house. The passage was hard to navigate. I was brushing off thorny branches when I realized what the word “narrow” meant. I distinctly remember thinking about how I had to come to this realization — when I was relieved to come out of the woods amidst the rows and rows of sugarcane. I was startled that I had stumbled upon new knowledge and was desirous to know where this ability to realize originated. To this day I mark this moment as my earliest philosophical memory. Pretty cool, huh?

When was your first philosophical memory? Post a reply. I wanna know.

PDF Copy for Printing

Software Review: Google Voice

Google has entered the tele- communications realm with its introduction of Google Voice, a service created by Google's addition last year of Grand Central, a nifty feature that transcribes voicemail messages and cloaks all your phones and telecommunication devices under the umbrella of one number: a Google number. 
     In effect, you can give out one number to all your buddies, colleagues, friends or whoever and all your phones can be connected seamlessly. Also, you can send free SMS and have voicemails transcribed for you (also, available by other services, such as Callwave).
     I had read about the service at least a year ago when Google first acquired Grand Central but was only giving the service to customers by invitation only. Alas, I was not one of the chosen few. Ugh.
    So, I was happy to discover one day, a message in my Gmail inbox that Google Voice was now available for me to sign-up.
    I would love to use the full functionality of Google Voice but, because of a move by Apple to pull the plug on Google Voice on the iPhone, I can only use the service through my computer. I am a loyal Apple fan, but here, Apple has sold itself to AT&T. Google had created a Google Voice app for the iPhone, but Apple deleted it from the Apple store.
    Personally, I think Apple's move was a bit draconian. It would be like if Microsoft did not allow you to download Firefox onto your computer and forced you to use Internet Explorer.
    But don't worry, in a recent blog post, David Pogue assures us that Google will eventually develop a web app to counteract Apple's icks-nay of its newest FREE gadget. Now, you can only use Google Voice on its android phone or on a blackberry, on your home computer, or on a web app compatible device. But the web app does not work yet on the iPhone. Just a matter of time.
    But, why is Google Voice so cool?
    Well, it is like having CallWave, Skype and Gmail all rolled up into one. I hate listening to voicemails and would just rather read them. Also, I am an addict when it comes to new digital features. Also, I am a proponent for Open Source. Apple should not decide how I access information and what platform I use to do so.
    In the meantime, you can call me through your computer until I get Google Voice, fully.*
*This functionality has been disabled.

PDF Copy for Printing

Theological Meandering into Tele-Visual Popular Culture: Religion and the Simpsons

From Apu’s peanut faux pas to Mormon coffee constraints, discover religion’s fuzzy logic, comedic missteps, and how belief shapes our worldview.

“Please, do not offer my god a peanut.”

(Apu to Homer, after Homer offers a peanut to a statue of Ganesh.) —

Religion is a topic my buddy Ryan loves to discuss, even when I am exhausted and devoid of argumentative spunk. He especially likes to expose inane postulates; for example, he told me about a moral paradox he noticed about his Southern Baptist roots. In the Southern Baptist culture it is a sin to cheat on your wife, or sneak a brewskie on a Sunday before church, but none of these sinners would ever publicly deny God's existence. "In other words," said to me, sitting on my deck chair nursing a glass of OJ, "you can fuck your wife's best friend but you can't be an atheist."
Religion follows its own fuzzy logic. "Do not offer my god a peanut" ok? What about, don't eat for one hour before holy communion? Or, if a man spills his semen on the bed during sex he has to atone for the loss of his potential babies? Homer may have offended Apu by giving Ganesh a peanut, but in the world of religion, it is not that difficult to make a faux pas.
A couple of Mormons paid a visit to my apartment yesterday; I offered them a coffee and I noticed the smaller dude glanced apprehensively at the other one; after a second pause, they both said, "Well, that's another thing about us -- we don't drink coffee." "Ahhh," I said, "What about a gin and tonic?" and laughed but they didn't laugh with me. I honestly did want to see if they were interested in sharing with me other details of their faith, but I had a dental appointment so I had to shoo them off; and they were so adorable! I should not have offered that peanut, I said to myself.

Religion is ingrained in our nubile minds from the moment we enter into language. We are submerged in religion, with its weird taboos, and semantic boundaries; it is next to impossible to break water and gulp air, to turn back and look at how religion affects us unaffected. It is only a rare occasion when religion is seen outside of context, can we begin to notice its arbitrary and illogical nature. We seldom think of our own faith tradition as flawed, even when we intellectually forsake it.
In Amitav Gosh's book In an Antique Land, a memoir about his own anthropological study, living with a group of rural Egyptians; he a Hindu; they, Muslim. In a funny exchange, Ghosh attempts to explain why Hindus revere the cow and the belief of reincarnation. Set up in the village to examine and write about the people for his dissertation, Ghosh ironically is questioned by his host group on his own beliefs in a humorous reversal of roles. The experience gives him (and the reader) a rare opportunity to see his own faith upbringing from the viewpoint of an outsider who is allowed to express their unsolicited opinion unfiltered by secondary commentary.
I can remember as a teenager feeling undeniably that I would go to hell if I entertained a homosexual thought. I never thought that maybe -- just maybe -- it was all balderdash. Well, I did. Of course. But, I could not shake the anxiety that I would be punished. It probably took a few years to untangle a belief that gays were impure and their actions merited them punishment. Even though intellectually I knew that when a pastor condemned gay behavior, they were wrong, it was yet another thing entirely to unravel my emotional (or psychic) adherence to what I had believed to be truth.
Once the mind grasps a concept as true -- both in the heart and in the head — it can be very difficult to unravel the thought process. Even though we say metaphysics is dead -- I believe when it comes to religious thought -- we are a metaphysical society. Truth is substantiated by divine revelation. Just as my friend Ryan could sin and still be forgiven -- the one sin he could not commit was to disagree with the standards of truth set up by the Christian doctrine.

I was teaching the Ramayanna a few weeks ago to my freshman English class. The story is about the hero in a cosmic battle (aided by supernatural monkey hordes). In the story he prays to the god Shiva to bring down destruction on his adversary Ravana. One of my students raises her hand, asks genuinely, "But, why didn't someone tell Rama to pray to God?" I laughed and said, "Well, what if someone came to you and said, 'you know, why don't you pray to Shiva instead of Yahweh? What would you say?"

PDF Copy for Printing

When a Classroom Lesson Does Not Go As Planned: Where the Wild Things Are

Max sails to the island of the Wild Things
(Image Credit: Max Sendak)

Notes from my teacher diary on a lesson that went south:

Human nature is funky. Take Max, from the Sendak story: brazen and ferocious, ruler over the beasts. Example: stretch your brain and your brain bleeds. The kids become restless. The Wild Things pervade. I forgot to get the book to read to my students and therefore the entire lesson faltered a bit. I wonder sometimes if words can ever be restored; can a word marry itself with unadulterated passion? Can Max ever reconcile the beast-logic with home?

PDF Copy for Printing

News Repost: David Pogue on NPR

David Pogue was recently interviewed on NPR.

David Pogue Image Credit: Telegram & Gazette

I never laughed so hard in a long time.
He was testing a new camera that has a projector with a video of a clown intended to entertain children while you take their pictures.

Pogue tests the camera on a beach in Connecticut and suspicious mom's ask him what he is doing (he's wearing a leather jacket and pressing buttons on his camera and he tells the ladies, "I am a reporter from the New York Times," and as if this is enough to assuage their wandering minds, they laugh and say okay and ask if the camera is any good!

OMG

LOL

I was on the floor in my apartment laughing REALLY hard.

PDF Copy for Printing

Body Language in the High School Classroom and What It Can Tell You About Your Students

The funniest thing about being a teacher is learning the body language of your students and discerning the meaning of their sometimes ineffable facial expressions.

Kids vibing in the classroom.

The Typical Layout of a Classroom Allows for Plenty of Observation into Human Behavior     
      When teaching a lesson, classroom teachers face the class so they see everything their kids are doing during a lesson (even though kids do not sometimes register this fact). On the flip side, kids are typically looking at their teachers all day which explains why kids are often flawless in their uncanny ability to imitate their teachers. Trust me. They can. I've seen it happen.

Photo by Jerry Wang on Unsplash

Kids Signal How They Are Feeling Through Body Language
      Here are some common messages your high school students are sending while you are delivering quality education in your classroom. N.B. I am not a clinical psychologist and I have not professionally studied human behavior — so take my observations with a grain of salt (or, leave your comments below detailing what you have observed).

• If a kid has his head down and does not look up for a considerable amount of time, most likely he or she is texting.
• If a high school student has a pen or pencil in their mouth and they're chewing it with wild abandon it probably means their mind is on something entirely different from whatever you're teaching.
• If they are twirling their hair: the same thing. But they are probably thinking about someone (not you).
• Head on the desk: not enough sleep at night. Disengagement.
• Fidgeters: these kids need to be more active during your lesson. Make them write on the board or do some kind of kinetic task to get that excess energy expended. 
• Smiling: they are listening. 
• Staring off into space: something else is more important. Or, they have something on their mind.
• Blank stare. Does not respond when called. They are listening to music or something. This is a perennial problem in the age of smart devices.  

Nipping Negative Behaviors in the Bud Before They Bloom
      Kids bring into your classroom whatever has happened to them during the course of the day. I did not teach him, but I knew a kindergarten-age child whose father would bring him to school and the kid would cry miserably when dropped off and was unpredictable and incorrigible for the rest of the day. But when the mother dropped him off, the child was well-behaved and acted appropriately for his age. The teacher, who was savvy, told the father not to enter the building for drop-off, and the teacher would meet the child at the entrance to the school when it was the father's turn to bring his kid to school. This school had breakfast available, so the teacher would make sure the student had breakfast and was able to check-in with his feelings — which typically made his day better. The point of the story is that kids bring with them their emotional baggage into the classroom. Most students are not as extreme in their behaviors as the kid I just described, but if as a teacher you stand at the threshold of your classroom as kids enter and take their seats you can pretty much do a "temperature check" of emotions and catch kids who might appear off or "not themselves". It works! One of my high school students would get into arguments with one of his classmates and their frustration with each other would often trickle into my class. But I wanted to get some teaching done and not have to worry about their squabbles. So, I made it a point to always observe these two when they entered my class and very quickly nipped it in the bud if they came in "hot". I would say, "one of you needs a moment. Take a minute by yourself and walk around outside for three minutes and come back".
Making Group Expressions Fun in the Classroom 
       My favorite is group expression: group laughter. I love it when the class acts as a group and the students respond spontaneously to the material and join in expressively. Take a few moments and tell a story. We were talking about embarrassing elementary school experiences: one kid told us how his teacher braided his moppish hair and I spoke about how I pulled down on my second-grade teacher's cardigan at a Halloween Haunted house. I was so scared. When we came out through the other end I had made her sweater into a dress.
       Don't make your lessons boring. Think — would I want to do this? Now. Granted. It is not your job to be the Pixar entertainment center for your students. Academic work can be taxing and kids need to learn self-discipline. We all have experienced tasks that feel tedious — like inputting grades in the grade book or taking attendance. The problem with being a teacher today: it is hard to make every lesson exhilarating. Sometimes, the lesson is boring. How do I make articles interesting? (especially at 7:40 in the AM). And: students are highly critical of their teachers. But, we demand a lot from them, so it goes both ways. Geez, if the opprobrium of the grade would disappear! Anyway: best moment this year: sculptures. Worst moment: being blamed for losing a notebook. Jesus, do I look like a housekeeper? Let's get back to nouns, verbs, and sh&(.

PDF Copy for Printing

Journal & Rant: Consigned (with a Nod to Elizabeth Taylor in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof)

In this rant, I complain about the world wide web.

Maggie: I've become hard and frantic and cruel.

As my mother tells me, annoyed, I am consigned to forever transcribe the mendacious events of a life through the world wide web. I am afraid the web is nothing more than a pseudo-clandestine joyride for the false pleasures of an ego (with the perilous feeling Big Brother is watching). I finally figured out posting shit on the Internet: simply write shit with as many popular tags as possible: Miley Cyrus; Where the Wild Things Are; Tim Burton; sex; fleshlights. That should summon a crowd. By the way: I despise fishbowls.

Works Cited: Cat on a Hot Tin Roof. Directed by Richard Brooks, performances by Elizabeth Taylor, Paul Newman, and Shirley Jones, 20th Century Fox, 1958.

PDF Copy for Printing

Exploring Multiple Selves: Shedding the Myth of a Singular Identity

Discover how identity shifts as teacher, friend, and lover—an introspective look at shedding illusions to embrace our many versions of self.

Image Credit: Greig Roselli

This is a version of me: selves divided like equal slices of crumble cake. I am teacher: "a version of me." I am friend: "a version of me" In each I am never myself: friend, confidante, fucker. I am a version without status to a true self: I shed off that Romantic notion as a Hindi sheds bad karma. Tender lips? A version. An alternative. A choice. Another display.

PDF Copy for Printing

Aphorism Inspired by "Nightschool in Seventh Avenue Lodging House (Children's Aid Society)"

The more life sucks the more I abandon profundity.

image credit: ca. 1900, Jacob A. Riis, Museum of the City of New York

PDF Copy for Printing

Literary Terms: "P" is for Paradox

Literary terms are often tricky for students. So I came up with this guide for the perplexed. Paradox - a statement that is apparently self-contradictory or absurd, but really contains a possible truth. Sometimes the term is applied to a self- contradictory false proposition. It is also used to describe an opinion or statement which is contrary to generally accepted ideas. Often, a paradox is used to make a reader consider the point in a new way.
The term is from the Greek paradoxos, meaning “contrary to received opinion” or “expectation.” Here is a list of cogent examples. 
The child is father to the man

William Wordsworth,
“Ode: Intimations of Immortality from Recollections of Early Childhood,” 1807

They have ears, but do not hear !
Psalm 115

Cowards die many times before their deaths

Bill Shakespeare, Julius Caesar Act II, scene ii : line 32

All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others
George Orwell, Animal Farm

I can resist anything except temptation
Oscar Wilde

Death, thou shalt die
John Donne, "Death, Be Not Proud"

An example of a paradox in everyday speech:
Deep down, he's really very shallow

Theological Paradox: Christ died so we may have life!

Paradoxical Dialogue:

Me: What is better than eternal bliss?
You: Nothing.
Me: But a slice of bread is better than nothing.
You: So a slice of bread is better than eternal bliss.

Common Paradox:
Nobody goes to that restaurant; it's too crowded.

Time Machine Paradox:
A girl goes into the past and kills her Grandmother.
Since her Grandmother is dead, the girl was never born. If she were never born, she never killed her grandmother.

Physics Paradox
What happens if you are in a car going the speed of light and you turn the headlights on?

Nota Bene:
When a paradox is compressed into two words, as in “loud," silence,” “lonely crowd,” or “living dead,” it is called an OXYMORON.
For teachers:

I made a minilesson available on TpT —

Literary Terms: Paradoxes, Contradictions, and Oxymorons (Minilesson) 

The resource includes the following nifty features for a Minilesson:

• 2-sided handout on paradoxes, contradictions, and oxymorons
• 15 quotes and example from literature and other common sources
• 1 "Further Reading" guide to take your students to the next level

PDF Copy for Printing
image credit: Milad Fakurian

Word Diary: How I Discovered Coded Languages Like "Pig Latin" and "King Tut" as a Child (And As an Adult Learned More About Their History)

In this post (which is an update of the original post I wrote in 2009), I write about the use of encoded words and phrases that have meaning only to the initiated — or, put in another way — how we can even understand each other at all! If you think about it — words are just sounds, aural signifiers that are inert, the utterances of our vocal cords. But put into context, into meaning, and then voila — we have utterances that can break through the void and become language.

Nonsensical Languages in Linguistic Terms

Nonsensical languages are so much fun. Nonsensical in the linguistic sense, that the use of words, syntax, order of words, encoded meanings, enact a playful dynamic to undercut the formal use of the dominant language form and to lay bare the construct of language, how it works and operates. You know you are a fan of the nonsensical if you can enjoy Lewis Carrol's "The Jabberwocky." I am stunned that I understand what a vorpal sword is and chortle. Amazing. Simply amazing.

The Jabberwocky by Lewis Carrol

’Twas brillig, and the slithy toves

      Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:

All mimsy were the borogoves,

      And the mome raths outgrabe.

“Beware the Jabberwock, my son!

      The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!

Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun

      The frumious Bandersnatch!”

He took his vorpal sword in hand;

      Long time the manxome foe he sought—

So rested he by the Tumtum tree

      And stood awhile in thought.

And, as in uffish thought he stood,

      The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,

Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,

      And burbled as it came!

One, two! One, two! And through and through

      The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!

He left it dead, and with its head

      He went galumphing back.

“And hast thou slain the Jabberwock?

      Come to my arms, my beamish boy!

O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!”

      He chortled in his joy.

’Twas brillig, and the slithy toves

      Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:

All mimsy were the borogoves,

      And the mome raths outgrabe.

Most of the words in this poem are completely made-up. They are neologisms. It was only recently, after they entered the dominant language, that words like chortle and snort came into the main as "English words". But coded languages do not only appear in poetry. Look to the child's playground. Or other social spaces where the need to speak in secret emerges. Do you remember Pig Latin as a kid? I-ay o-day! We used to speak Pig Latin in the schoolyard so we could say bad words. Uck-fay ou-yay!

King Tut

"Hello" in King Tut Language

But, what about King Tut language? I stumbled upon this coded language* several years ago, working as a page in a public library - you come across a plethora of arcane, but useful books.

King Tut is a language I read about as a child in a book by Paul Dickson — it involves taking all consonants and simply doubling them and inserting a "U" in the middle. It works like code. Vowels are pronounced as usual. Here is the alphabet:

King Tut Letters

A, Bub, Coy, Dud, E, Fuf, Gug, Huh (or Hoy), I, Juj (or Joy), Kuk, Lul, Mum, Nun, O, Pup, Quk, Rur (or Roy), Sus, Tut, U, Vuv, Wuw (or Woy), Xux, Yuk (or Yoy), Zuz

Double Letters

If a letter is doubled, like in "book" you say bub-o-square-kuk.

"Hello, How are you?"

in King Tut is rendered

"Huh-e-lul-square-o, Huh-o-wuw a-rur-e yuk-o?" 

When King Tut is spoken it is unintelligible only to the uninitiated. It sounds like complete nonsense. But once you understand the code (i.e., the rules,), it's meaning becomes clear. Once you learn how it works, the code is broken and you can understand it. I have taught coded languages like King Tut to my freshman English class to impress upon them the artificial construct of a language (although I don't tell them that is why I am teaching it to them). 

It is quite impressive how quickly the students can understand what I am saying once I explain the rules. And what was at first an unknown string of sounds becomes intelligible.

But — of course, coded languages come into being for a purpose. And while I did not at first know the origins of King Tut, I learned about it as a coded language that was used by enslaved peoples in North America.

Update (August 2021):

I wrote about King Tut Language on my blog in 2009. I first read about it in the 1990s when I was a kid — reading about it in a book by Paul Dickson. Subsequently, I have learned that Tut Language has its origins in American slavery. Enslaved people used Tut to communicate amongst themselves and to practice literacy without being caught. Tutnese, or Tallehash, is way more complex in its original form than the modified version I learned. In fact, the alphabet I learned as a kid most likely is not Tut’s original form. When speaking in Tut, or writing in Tut, the coded words appeared unintelligible to outsiders; this allowed enslaved persons to speak, write, and practice literacy without being punished — as learning to read and write was forbidden by slaveholders. Enslaved people fought against their masters and learned in secret, and in code — in a way that shows the resiliency and tenacity of the human spirit. I apologize for my ignorance in originally writing this post, thinking that Tut was a child's language (like Pig Latin). It has a much richer history. And one that seems to be getting noticed as people start learning more about their individual histories.

Thank you to Gloria McIlwain's book "Tut Language" — it was the book that I read that introduced me to the Tut language's history and origins. Check it out if you wish to learn more. Here is the pronunciation table she provides (using the phonetic alphabet):

McIlwain, Gloria. “Tut Language.” American Speech, vol. 69, no. 1, 1994, pp. 111–112.

*(thanks to Dickson's Word Treasury by Paul Dickson)
Also, thanks to Wordie

PDF Copy for Printing

H is for Home

Parts of the drop ceiling in my apartment fell in the kitchen.

Is it trite to speak of home? Cliché, maybe. But, home resonates. At the moment my home is in disarray.

Case in point: last night, plaster from the ceiling crumbled and fell in hard portions on the kitchen linoleum. I did not wake up from the din, but I was startled in the morning (in between brushing my teeth and finding a perfect maroon tie) to find the kitchen bespectacled with jagged chunks of plaster. "Is there a rodent in my attic?" I asked myself, half startled and half bemused.

Going from the ramshackle that is my apartment, to the structure of school, I enter another home: a weird conglomeration of bells and roving students, lecturing professors, and due dates, exams, lunches and recess. School is a strange form of home that merely serves as another version -- but for me, a strange anodyne -- and I cringe to confess this fact, because one's vocation is not supposed to be one's home.

Do I find myself grading papers, only to look at the clock notice it is already six o'clock?

This is the tragedy of home as school. Alas, my life is fail. Or, as one of my students would say, "Epic Fail! I hate my life!"

So, today, to rectify this unhappy occasion, I set out to spruce up my "home" and make sure next week I will not end up sleeping at my professor's desk.

My task before me is to make my home the same as it was in August. I notice the pile of dishes hidden beneath the shorn plaster. I notice books unread. And OMG! I have to complete those homework assignments and finish reading those essays.

I stop for a second, in the middle of writing this first installment of an alphabiography, which I have decided to impose on myself as an assignment -- I figure if I am making my students complete this project, I might as well do the same — I have until October 15th — eeekkk and I probably have loads of grammar and spelling mistakes. Is there anything here that is home? True home? Not artificial or cliché home? The sound of the streetcar whizzing by frequently and hurriedly? Is it the fresh pot of coffee I worship every morning — to quote Anne Sexton -- "All this is God, right here in my pea green house."

Home is an unhurried thing. Is it metaphysical? Probably not. Is it the edifice of a house? Or is it the collection of a family? The association of friends?

I know one thing is true: home is unequivocally the evocative longing to diminish the alone. It is the wish of the solitude to unite with the One. It is the prayer of the worshipful to unite with their God. It is the hope of the teacher to successfully complete one more successful assignment; it is the proper buttering of the toast; the perfect rendering of prose into poetry, the sublime nature of one's hope (albeit striving) for ? ... and that is where I stumble ... lost again in the mystery of home.

I do have one final concrete image for those out there who detest abstract thought. The apple pie Americans who need a palpable definition. Home is where the heart is? Home is on the range. Home is for breakfast. Home fries. Homie. Dog. G. Out.

Life Lesson: Home is what you make it. Ahh, isn't that trite enough? But, I think I will go and wash those dishes (yeah, right he says).

PDF Copy for Printing