Yes, I'm Ignoring You

Just ignore the math! Photo by Peggy Sirota Copyright 1992 AVANTI

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Why One Should Not Teach Roman Numerals to Satmar Hasidic Jewish Boys

On that time I taught a lesson on Roman Numerals to a classroom of Satmar Hasidic children in Brooklyn.

image credit: Greig Roselli

The Romans Dominated Israel Two Thousand Years Ago, but What Does that Have to Do with Teaching Roman Numerals? 
    The boys enjoyed the lesson on Roman Numerals. After forty minutes, the class was decoding X, XCC, MDC, MMXI, and MCMXCVIII.
     Feeling accomplished, Mr. Roselli slept well that night, having been liberated from the usual anxiety that comes from an unsuccessful teaching day at the Yeshiva. Unruly boys and orthodox rules made the Satmar school in Brooklyn a world within a world. Mr. Roselli knew a bad day at the Yeshiva. His first day, he wrote the lower case letter "t" on the board, and since it too much resembles the cruciform shape, was outrightly chastised by his pupils. "The 't'! The 't'! The 't'!" they cried in unison.
     Coming down the stairs, Mr. Roselli exclaimed to another secular teacher who also taught Math, "They crucified me."  The co-teacher said simply, "They didn't tell you not to do that on the first day's meeting?"
There were other incidents (and other things you should not teach). 
     For example, we were not allowed to individually single out the kids. "Don't count the kids," Rabbi Teitelbaum said. "No counting." Check. "No short sleeve shirts." Check. "No bible stories." No religion. "No politics. No women. No sex. Just teach the curriculum." Check.
     It felt like an especial feat to teach class Roman Numerals without a flop-ending. Shlomo, leaving class, said, "Thank you, teacher."
     Arriving at school on the following afternoon, however, the actions of the previous day of teaching bore its inclement outcome.
Called into Mr. Schermerhorn's Office
     "Roselli," said Mr. Schermerhorn from inside his nondescript office next to the teachers' mailboxes. He was an unnecessarily stern and brittle man who appeared to have had clocked too many hours in the New York City Public School system. His hair was a fragile grey "Come to my office for a minute, won't you?"
     Feeling the worst after having felt so proud, Mr. Roselli let himself into Mr. Schemerhorn's office.

Here is the Gist of the Conversation With the Yeshiva's Assistant Principle:

"What were you teaching your class yesterday?"
"Roman Numerals."
"Roman Numerals?"
"Yes, Roman Numerals."

"We don't pay you to teach off the curriculum, Roselli. We pay you to teach the book. Nothing more nothing less. Don't get too creative or we'll get parents calling."

"But, Roman Numeral are in the book, Mr. Schemerhorn."

"Do you want me to receive a call from a parent asking why their son is learning Roman Numerals?"

I didn't answer. Schermerhorn was not a Satmar. It was easy to tell. Schermerhorn was a man without joy. The Satmars are normally a joyous bunch. Despite their strict religious rules.

"We pay you to teach the curriculum. I don't want to have to explain to a parent or to  Rabbi Teitelbaum. Are we clear?" 

"Yes. Don't teach Roman Numerals."

"Right." 

"And turn in your lesson plans on time."

"OK."

"We want a good teacher better and a better teacher best." 

"That's true." 

"Is that all?" 

"Yes, that's all Roselli. Get to class."

Feeling Dejected Who Are You To Turn To?
After school that day feeling puzzled and slightly dejected, Mr. Roselli asked his co-teacher, "Are we not allowed to teach Roman Numerals to the kids?"

"I've never heard that one." 

"Schermerhorn just told me not to." 

"Did he tell you not teach off the official curriculum?"

"Yeah, he did. And he gave me that better good best teacher shtick."

"Maybe because the Romans tortured enslaved the Jews? Haven't you read about Roman imperialism?"

"Yeah, maybe that is it."

"Wouldn't it been funny if Schermerhorn had said, 'Roselli. Stop torturing the kids with Roman Numerals. I want you teaching them the cardinal numbers, not the Roman numbers.' That would have been fucking hilarious, don't you think?"

"Yeah what if he had said, 'Roselli, since we pay you to teach the curriculum, goddammit, I want you —' and at this point, he bangs a ruler on the desk -- "to teach the goddamn curriculum.'"

"Yes, Mr. Schemerhorn, of course!"

***

If you liked this story, read more from the book Things I Shouldn't Have Said and Other Faux Pas.

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Report from a Teacher: Teaching Bell to Bell Often Sucks

I often feel like my half-cup of coffee
and a pair of eyeglasses are extensions of my being.

The principal pulls me into her office one particularly balmy afternoon after the second-period bell. Her office is spacious and decently accommodated. I gravitate towards the plush leather couch, but take my seat in the leather chair instead.

Teacher's Review: New York Times Learning Network

Read a review of the New York Times Learning Network and find out how it can help you as a teacher in your classroom - and help your students!

     I want to rave RIGHT now about the NYtimes. The Banks School of Education tag teams with the newspaper to make some impressive, timely lesson plans for teachers struggling to find meaning in their instruction.

     The New York Times Learning Network is chock full of informative, engaging lesson plans for K-12 teachers. I recently used a New York Times lesson on getting students to write complaint style essays. In class we wrote complaint essays on a variety of topics; some people wrote about personal space, sexual discrimination, disturbing others in the class, chalkboards (how much they disdain them), and starting a story without finishing it. What I liked about the lesson is how the lesson plan stressed teaching how you say something is sometimes just as important as what you say. Teaching etiquette in this lesson when you are annoyed by something in society is crucial. And teaching that what annoys us should not just be wrapped around ourselves, but we should try to find a solution within society itself is a valuable life lesson. For example, as the above graphic about grooming in public shows maybe the reason people brush their teeth on subways - an act repulsive to many - is because the same people are used to seeing similar displays of private moments in public spaces on reality TV so they internally figure it is okay to do it on trams and at stop signs in their car. The article in the lesson plan prompted good discussion.

     I have used dozens of New York Times learning lesson plans. They range from discussing mobile technology in the classroom, to talking about the sex abuse scandal in the church, to prepping students to analyze film as literature, and engaging students in conversation about cognitive science and literary analysis. When I have designed my own lessons from scratch, I use their template of warm-up, article, activity and writing exercise to be effective. I think the best feature of the learning network is PROMOTING INTELLECTUAL CURIOSITY among young people. As an intellectually curious person myself, I find it difficult to impart big ideas to my students. With this resource, my job is made a little easier.

More Pros

• Lesson plans are easy to implement

• Built-in vocabulary 

• Articles are informative and well written.

• Lesson plans are engaging

• Wow, relevancy!

• Lessons promote information literacy

• I find myself learning

•  Internet Friendly

• Ample ideas for taking the lesson further 

Cons

• Students may complain about the sophistication of the articles

• Don't expect the Times do all the work. You should really plan the lesson ahead of time.

• Presupposes all kids are voracious readers and love to learn

• The onus is on the student to perform for the lesson to run smoothly

• The time suggestions are not always accurate

• The intellectual rigor may shut down some lower order thinking students

• Some allusions to popular culture, literature, etc., may be lost on less well-read kids

• Some lessons are better suited if every student had a laptop in class with connection to the Internet

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Mandeville High School Class of 1998: Graduation Speech I Never Gave

   

I graduated from Mandeville High School (class of 1998).

Here is a transcript of a speech I wrote — but since

I was not selected to be the graduation speech-giver — here is the

speech verbatim (that I never gave).

I walk often behind my house.  I bring my trusty spaniel, and we conquer what there is to conquer.  I notice the turtles and the snakes.  The flowers grow silently, and I stumble their humble beauty.  I become a discoverer.  I lift stones to peer at the scampering centipedes and worms.  I climb aged oaks and jump over running streams.  Sometimes I sit quietly or read the book I had tucked beneath my arm.
    Our journey through these Halls of Learning has been like a journey through the woods.  Close your eyes and remember your school experience.  Remember your discoveries, remember your first-grade teacher, remember your favorite teachers, remember the evil teacher, remember music class, remember recess, remember dances, remember the bully -- were you the bully? — remember tests, remember labs, remember football games.  Remember school like a walk through the woods.  Pick the wildflowers of your school memories and don’t forget the poison ivy.  Remember the sweetness of the one you loved.  Just sit and remember, and it will all come like a stream flowing.
    For twelve years, we have been offered a platter of knowledge.  We were given the chance to pick from its variety of choice fruits.  The Homeric metaphors and the rhythms and workings of the body have been offered us.  E=MC^2.  Supply and demand.  Manifest Destiny.  Endless conjugations of foreign language verbs.  We will leave these halls with a diploma.  It will say more than a graduation certificate.  It says we have gone through the treasures of boundless knowledge and survived.  We have survived the words.  We have been led by Puck, Heathcliff, Virgil, and Prospero.  We have been led by Newton, Einstein, Madame Curie, and Michelangelo.  We have been led by Franklin, Lincoln, Luther, Douglass, Dix, Charlemagne, and Tubman.
    These woods can be dark and brooding like Snow White in the forest with living trees clawing out at us.  Other times the woods are bright and copious.  Wolves are sparse and goodness is near. Sometimes the skies open and torrents of rainfall, like King Lear in the heath, and cleanses us.  We have been nurtured through our journey and now we find ourselves at the edge of the forest, peering out into the wide expanse.  We can’t turn back now but must plow forward.
    I like to think we are all knights of knowledge on our horses prancing toward the rising sun, singing in our heads the Simon and Garfunkel song, “I’ve got my books and my poetry to protect me.  I’m shielded in my armor — safe within my room [or shall we say safe with our diploma?] — I touch no one and no one touches me — I am a rock; I am an island.”  It has always given me comfort to know I have all the poets, saints, sinners, builders, politicians, princesses, kings, slaves, and singers behind us.  We can carry the Divine Comedy, the Principia Mathematica, and the Holy Scriptures, all tucked beneath our arms — ready to go beyond the woods and into the mountains.
    We have so many experiences and emotions that have welled up in us these many years.  My English teacher Melanie Plesh said it so correctly, “We are tender creatures, so affected by words and actions from other people.”  We have been molded by so many people, words, and actions that have sculpted us.  We have watched ourselves develop in our souls spiritually, mentally, and physically.  We were babes, now we are mature — nourished by our fathers, mothers, brothers, and sisters.  Thanks for the woods, the cleansing.
    Now we can offer the world our pain, our laughter, and tears.  We can share our poetry and our logic.  I am girded by my friends — my mail is heavy, but I remind myself: “We are the stuff dreams are made of.”

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Re:”What Makes a Great Teacher”

An article in the latest issue of Atlantic Monthly on what makes great teachers revived my spirit a bit.     After reading the article, I realized that growing up I thought of my best teachers as magical beings, as if they had possessed something we didn’t and they were willing to pass that magic on to us. I know. I had a heavy infatuation with teachers as a kid. So I am biased. And now, I am a high school English teacher. So there is that.
Obviously, good teachers are not superheroes.
     They have foibles just like the rest of us. But, we have to stop thinking that “good teaching” is some mystery that lies in the realm of the unknown. As if the skill of teaching is an intangible thing that cannot be taught. There are qualities that one can detect in a teacher. When you meet a good teacher you realize they are never satisfied. Good teachers say stuff like this to visitors to their classroom: "' You’re welcome to come, but I have to warn you — I am in the middle of just blowing up my classroom structure and changing my reading workshop because I think it’s not working as well as it could.'" Good teachers are constantly re-evaluating their methods and constantly looking for ways to make the learning environment better.

• Good teachers “avidly recruit students and other teachers into the process.” I know this to be true. Good teachers create a vibe that sends the message: “let’s be a part of this.”
• Good teachers maintain focus and ensure that everything they do in the classroom contributes to the learning process. I chuckle at this sign of a good teacher because it reminds me of a teacher I had who would always use every opportunity as a learning moment, to such an extent that we as students were not always aware of it. We might be collecting cool quotes to put into our notebooks, not realizing he was teaching us how to be better researchers.
• Good teachers plan exhaustively and purposefully, planning backward from the desired goal. Yes, I agree this is a good sign of a great teacher. They have broad goals they want their students to reach and make sure every lesson somehow inches toward that goal. The work is in the details. It takes a mammoth amount of creative energy to accomplish this feat.
• Good teachers seem not to complain about the system, but work relentlessly despite the combined efforts of budget, poverty, and budgetary shortcomings. The converse of this is those good teachers often are ground down by bureaucracy and quit due to burnout.

In a nutshell: Good teachers have grit.
      Here is a different video than what I originally had seen on the Atlantic's web site on the "Manager Teacher" (a model I would like to emulate). The original video was taken down and I cannot find it, but this video is sufficient for what I want to showcase. Notice two things: how the teacher has the students' full attention (that did not come out of thin air) and how from the beginning she demands from students to illustrate their understanding of what they need to do. But she is concise and she uses "economy of language" — and then the students get to work!

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Bleach

Photo: "Mr. Chips"

Photograph of "Mr. Chips"

This picture was a demonstration of how instantaneous mass communication can be. Taken from my iPhone, the photo is instantly uploaded to the web. Once I take the picture on my phone I can send it to the cloud and it's available anywhere from a device with Internet access. Welcome to the first decade of the twenty-first century.

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Word Diary: How I Discovered Coded Languages Like "Pig Latin" and "King Tut" as a Child (And As an Adult Learned More About Their History)

In this post (which is an update of the original post I wrote in 2009), I write about the use of encoded words and phrases that have meaning only to the initiated — or, put in another way — how we can even understand each other at all! If you think about it — words are just sounds, aural signifiers that are inert, the utterances of our vocal cords. But put into context, into meaning, and then voila — we have utterances that can break through the void and become language.

Nonsensical Languages in Linguistic Terms

Nonsensical languages are so much fun. Nonsensical in the linguistic sense, that the use of words, syntax, order of words, encoded meanings, enact a playful dynamic to undercut the formal use of the dominant language form and to lay bare the construct of language, how it works and operates. You know you are a fan of the nonsensical if you can enjoy Lewis Carrol's "The Jabberwocky." I am stunned that I understand what a vorpal sword is and chortle. Amazing. Simply amazing.

The Jabberwocky by Lewis Carrol

’Twas brillig, and the slithy toves

      Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:

All mimsy were the borogoves,

      And the mome raths outgrabe.

“Beware the Jabberwock, my son!

      The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!

Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun

      The frumious Bandersnatch!”

He took his vorpal sword in hand;

      Long time the manxome foe he sought—

So rested he by the Tumtum tree

      And stood awhile in thought.

And, as in uffish thought he stood,

      The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,

Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,

      And burbled as it came!

One, two! One, two! And through and through

      The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!

He left it dead, and with its head

      He went galumphing back.

“And hast thou slain the Jabberwock?

      Come to my arms, my beamish boy!

O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!”

      He chortled in his joy.

’Twas brillig, and the slithy toves

      Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:

All mimsy were the borogoves,

      And the mome raths outgrabe.

Most of the words in this poem are completely made-up. They are neologisms. It was only recently, after they entered the dominant language, that words like chortle and snort came into the main as "English words". But coded languages do not only appear in poetry. Look to the child's playground. Or other social spaces where the need to speak in secret emerges. Do you remember Pig Latin as a kid? I-ay o-day! We used to speak Pig Latin in the schoolyard so we could say bad words. Uck-fay ou-yay!

King Tut

"Hello" in King Tut Language

But, what about King Tut language? I stumbled upon this coded language* several years ago, working as a page in a public library - you come across a plethora of arcane, but useful books.

King Tut is a language I read about as a child in a book by Paul Dickson — it involves taking all consonants and simply doubling them and inserting a "U" in the middle. It works like code. Vowels are pronounced as usual. Here is the alphabet:

King Tut Letters

A, Bub, Coy, Dud, E, Fuf, Gug, Huh (or Hoy), I, Juj (or Joy), Kuk, Lul, Mum, Nun, O, Pup, Quk, Rur (or Roy), Sus, Tut, U, Vuv, Wuw (or Woy), Xux, Yuk (or Yoy), Zuz

Double Letters

If a letter is doubled, like in "book" you say bub-o-square-kuk.

"Hello, How are you?"

in King Tut is rendered

"Huh-e-lul-square-o, Huh-o-wuw a-rur-e yuk-o?" 

When King Tut is spoken it is unintelligible only to the uninitiated. It sounds like complete nonsense. But once you understand the code (i.e., the rules,), it's meaning becomes clear. Once you learn how it works, the code is broken and you can understand it. I have taught coded languages like King Tut to my freshman English class to impress upon them the artificial construct of a language (although I don't tell them that is why I am teaching it to them). 

It is quite impressive how quickly the students can understand what I am saying once I explain the rules. And what was at first an unknown string of sounds becomes intelligible.

But — of course, coded languages come into being for a purpose. And while I did not at first know the origins of King Tut, I learned about it as a coded language that was used by enslaved peoples in North America.

Update (August 2021):

I wrote about King Tut Language on my blog in 2009. I first read about it in the 1990s when I was a kid — reading about it in a book by Paul Dickson. Subsequently, I have learned that Tut Language has its origins in American slavery. Enslaved people used Tut to communicate amongst themselves and to practice literacy without being caught. Tutnese, or Tallehash, is way more complex in its original form than the modified version I learned. In fact, the alphabet I learned as a kid most likely is not Tut’s original form. When speaking in Tut, or writing in Tut, the coded words appeared unintelligible to outsiders; this allowed enslaved persons to speak, write, and practice literacy without being punished — as learning to read and write was forbidden by slaveholders. Enslaved people fought against their masters and learned in secret, and in code — in a way that shows the resiliency and tenacity of the human spirit. I apologize for my ignorance in originally writing this post, thinking that Tut was a child's language (like Pig Latin). It has a much richer history. And one that seems to be getting noticed as people start learning more about their individual histories.

Thank you to Gloria McIlwain's book "Tut Language" — it was the book that I read that introduced me to the Tut language's history and origins. Check it out if you wish to learn more. Here is the pronunciation table she provides (using the phonetic alphabet):

McIlwain, Gloria. “Tut Language.” American Speech, vol. 69, no. 1, 1994, pp. 111–112.

*(thanks to Dickson's Word Treasury by Paul Dickson)
Also, thanks to Wordie

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10 Notes on Being a High School Director

Being a High School Director:

Photo by Kal Visuals on Unsplash

1. Never underestimate your actors' potential.

2. Always try to find SOMETHING an actor is doing well even if everything they are doing seems destined for failure.

3. During rehearsals, the actors perform for you so make them KNOW you are paying attention to them. During the show, they still perform for you even though the audience believes they are performing for them and the actors believe they are doing it for themselves.

4. Allow actors to feel out their roles. BUT some people need more coaching. Be flexible and intuit what an individual needs. Be specific in giving hooks. (I am working on getting better at this).

5. I have not figured out rehearsal pacing yet. When do I tell them to be off book? When do I yell at them for not knowing their lines? What is the fine balance between sternness and generosity?

6. When there is little less than one week before showtime, work with what you got. Don't add anything more.

7. SHOW the LOVE

8. The actors internalize your comments so choose your words carefully.

9. When directing use VERBS. For example: "Look Angry" is a bad stage direction: instead: "Prowl around the stage like you are a tiger in a cage" is more specific and doable.

10. It will all come together (albeit, a few SNAFUs)

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A Ten Year High School Reunion and Teachers

   We celebrated the tenth year our class from Mandeville High School graduated and went on to bigger and better things. Even though a high school reunion is très weird, I actually wallowed in the weirdness. Apart from not recognizing one of my friends from school AT ALL (which was very embarrassing) I really had loads of fun. Last year, I had gone to a high school reunion with a friend and it was horrible. Albeit, I got über drunk but that is beside the point. So, I must admit I had low expectations for this reunion. My friend Melanie convinced me to go (here we are together).
It is like going to a review of your life that you have to own up to people you may not really have desired to supply a status update (or they would be on your twitter).
   I found out some of my classmates are now working for Microsoft; another is a professor; another one is a stand-up comic and one is a urologist. A few unemployed and lots of moms and dads.
   I’m a former-monk-now-school-teacher-cum writer. No matter how you shake it: a reunion is a battle of comparisons. “So, what are you doing now?” is the question rampant in the room. At the reunion I spoke to someone who had been following my blog when I was on my road trip this past summer (see previous entries); she told me unsolicitedly she enjoyed reading my stuff. She said she was waiting for my novel. Hmmmm. I want to write a novel but I am afraid of the solitude. Hah. I can only write holed up in coffee houses and in between frequent masturbations.
    After that, the writing process, between cups of coffee and some smokes, becomes arduous and I miss flesh and blood people. I figure to give my fictional character life I should enter back into the human circle. So I have a note to my readers: the novel I have yet to write will not be on the scale of Les Misérables but it won’t be the puny exercises of the Spiderwick Chronicles either (who wants to pony up ten bucks for a cheap pleasure that can just be as easily gotten with a trip to the Public Library?). Although, I loved the movie. So, I think, for now, I will have to consign my dreams to the prison chamber of my mind and satisfy my would-be customers with ephemeral writings with adjacent pictures. This blog does not have a theme. I will need to focus on theming my blogs in the future but … If I could find a job writing I would quit teaching today. I do not feel like teaching. I know. It is a sin to say such a thing, especially when you are a teacher … but I have to say I put in my resignation the other day. I will not be back at my school come Fall of 2009. I have five months until I am unemployed. I need a job. I need to finish writing my thesis (I know … it is long overdue) I need to pay a traffic fine I incurred in Ozona, Texas ($300 and there is a warrant for my arrest). So, if you send me an email and I do not reply, you can safely assume that I am behind bars writing my novel. My criminal record is the reason I have not given detention to any of my students in the past five months. If they only knew what was on their teacher’s record. So, for the record, I do not dole out punishments anymore. Although, the quality of mercy was not strained. For, yesterday, the last day of school, a student had his iPhone splayed out on his lap during the final exam. These are juniors, so they know better. Come on. I thought to myself. You do not do that during an exam, especially the final exam. I went up to him and said, “Are you crazy? Give me that.” He obediently gave over the phone. I figured I would return the device after the exam was done. But, then I thought, “what was he doing with the phone? Was he text messaging answers to another student? Jesus.” This is the easiest way for students to cheat: “what’s the answer to number 9?”. Students love to one-up the teacher. Teaching, I have learned, is a battle zone where altruism does not exist. It is a battle of the One versus the many — and I do not mean that in an ontological way. Or, as a veteran teacher told me, “teaching is like keeping a herd of horses at bay".
   But back to the story: just as I confiscated his phone, the assistant principal walked into the room. I said to her, “Here is a confiscated phone” and she said to the blanched-faced student, “Get it after the holidays.” After she left the student said, “Why did you do that?!”  The other students were exceptionally jubilant that I had caught him. I am sure in the future, when he is thirty, at his high school reunion, he will still be convinced I scarred him for life.
   The entire class of twenty-seven had bright smiles on their faces — there was communal satisfaction. When the exam was completed, one of the students gave me a Christmas card. Inside was written a note thanking me for teaching her and that she would miss the class (I get a different bunch of students next semester). Newton comes in handy here: for every action, there is an opposite and equal reaction. It applies to physics, but could easily be applied to the classroom.
Café Luna New Orleans, Louisiana

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