A Riff on Jesus - My Two Favorite Quotes

So - my two most favorite quotes from Jesus of Nazareth are as follows:
Momma gonna knock you out. source: zazzle
1. "Do not throw your pearls to the pigs." (Matthew 7:6)
Jesus gonna chew you up and spit you out. source: ignite4christ
2. "If you are a lukewarm - neither hot nor cold - I will spit you out." (Revelation 3:16)

I feel like when Jesus says, do not throw your pearls to the pigs, he is saying something slightly out of whack with his usual altruistic spiel. Like. Jesus usually says stuff like "Do to others what you would do to yourself" and "The meek shall inherit the earth." When he starts talking about where you throw your pearls, my ears perk up. I am thinking, "Hey. Jesus is talking about me." Heck. I do not own any pearls - but, hell, I sure as hell do not want to throw my pearls to some sorry motherfuckers who'll never appreciate them. Now Jesus is talking my language, honey.

Rather than dismiss Jesus's injunction to spit you out if you're lukewarm as a caveat against drinking warm soda, I suggest you think of his warning more as an indicator of whether you're spicy or mild. Who wants to hang around with limp toast? Have you ever left your cereal in a bowl of milk for too long? Disgusting! So - Jesus is saying, spice it up, or get out.

Do you have any special quotes from the Messiah? I'd love to hear it. In the meantime, check out Thomas Jefferson's adaptation of the New Testament: The Jefferson Bible: The Life and Morals of Jesus of Nazareth.

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